I guess it’s been about a year–a little more–since we went on our first date. Of course, neither of considered it a date at the time, but in hindsight we realize: it was a night for falling in love, a First story so lovely it’s practically from the books. A whole year ago! It’s such a very short amount of time–I feel ashamed to admit it to people who are older or more conservative than I–but it feels longer; I have changed and grown so much that the last year feels like lifetimes.
He is, of course, my former boss, who I agonized about seeing the last time I remembered I had a blog, who I was sure would break my heart. I moved away and in with him in february. Then it was much less than a year and I shocked myself when I agreed to it: I have always been ponderously cautious when heartbreak is even a faint possibility, always slow to take risks. We had not publicly been dating for very long at all. But when I considered my options–leap or say goodbye forever–I felt it would be a horrible mistake not to go with him.
We live in Colorado now, which is much nicer than Wyoming but not as invigorating as big-city-California. We no longer work together, of course. I quit when he was promoted to manager and given his transfer. I found a job here at an independent used bookstore and it is the most perfect I’ve ever had–I never imagined that I could feel so content outside of academia, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to go back. I am paid very well to sell books to an array of the most interesting & dear people–it is my calling, I think. And when I come home I’ve got him.
Like everyone else, we muddle through this business of love and commitment. It’s not perfect. Yes, there is some of the heartbreak I’ve feared so much all of my life. We fight, I get hurt, I hurt him. But there’s a constancy, a surety, to our relationship that I thought myself too damaged to feel, much less live. It’s the most glorious thing in the world to see him in the morning, to hold and be held.
So, that’s the update. That’s my year past. Blog, consider yourself resurrected.