12: right now I really like…

1. Tautology. Rhetorical, not logical. The implied circularity of meaning that it carries with it. When my philosophy professor says “Being qua Being” with dramatic handflourishes. False, surface tautologies that may or may not have greater meaning: “The being appears as a being in light of Being” (Heidegger qtd. in Habermas). Just the word itself — tautology, tautological. Tautology qua tautology.

2. Writing down phrases completely out of context in the margins of unrelated books or homework handouts: “Marriage + wolves,” “sadness is exsanguious,” “GAPING YAWPS,” “Freud + teeth = periodontitis”

3. The neighbourhood friendly cat, Black Jack. Except when he gets so excited to see me that he mobs my feet and I fall over and skin my hands and knees while trying not to step on him.

4. The idea of whales. Metaphorical whales that can be stubbornly twisted into applying to any subject under the sun. The whale skeletons that I drew and hung on my wall.

5. The Brothers Karamazov!!!!

6. “I should like to be quit of all this: am more & more dissatisfied with modern lit: & the criticism thereof; envy painters, yet suspect that I must grate myself upon people to get my sense of ‘words’ dried up. … I think I shall read Chaucer: & En[glis]h poetry concurrently with French prose. But I’m word haunted. … Words words & now roast beef & apple tart. An evening alone.” –V. 5, October 30 1938

I mean: contradictory coexistence of dissatisfaction and love. Or maybe just love. Love & ampersands.

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~ by Not Alice on March 12, 2008.

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