I have been composing posts in my head for weeks now, but can’t think of anything to say that doesn’t sound overdramatic and/or anxious. I really hate posting about my health; it’s too easy to slip into indulgent and effusive descriptions of blood and gore and worries. No matter how eloquently I can write a nosebleed it’s still gross and does nothing but encourage my own hypochondria, and so those descriptions can stay in my notebook. I haven’t been doing much else that I have the inclination to write about. I’ve been working constantly, visiting and talking to my grandmother, and having vicious nosebleeds multiple times a week.

That’s the problem these days: frequent massive nosebleeds that make me feel like I am hemorrhaging and bleeding out. I went to the doctor yesterday. Diagnosis: who knows? Probably they’re a result of altitude and heat and dryness and too many blood-thinning painkillers, but even so they are running a battery of blood tests to check for the usual range of strange and fatal diseases. It isn’t hypertension or high blood pressure — if anything my blood pressure is too low; probably a result of losing what feels like gallons of blood every week — and neither I nor the doctor have ever heard of late-life-onset of hemophilia. Which leaves … leukemia? Cancer? Talks of that again? I wish I had never gone; it’s a waste of time and money. I’m sure I don’t have leukemia; I can feel it in my perfectly healthy bone-marrow and my anemic and never-clotting blood.

The only thing worse than going to the doctor is going to the doctor and having them tell you that they don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.

Advertisements

~ by Not Alice on July 4, 2007.

2 Responses to “”

  1. “The only thing worse than going to the doctor is going to the doctor and having them tell you that they don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.”

    THIS is so true! With all the amazing things we DO know, it’s truly horrifying to realize that, really, we don’t know anything….

  2. Yes. Scary to think how little we know, especially about the brain. It’s one of my constant concerns — neurochemistry and how paltry our knowledge of it really is.

    Not that my nosebleeds are related to anything neurochemical as far as I know, but still.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: