new reason for living

Tonight I met A.* in front of the vending machines and we had an hour conversation about our depression and Art and how much we both hate this school and 99.9% of the people here. We are not friends, exactly, but only because we are both reclusive and curmudgeonly and only socialize with others while (a) smoking or (b) eating. She doesn’t smoke and I don’t eat, so we see each other rarely, something that I mourn. She’s hilariously funny and boundlessly charming and she’s depressed! Like me! We have an automatic bond which provides ample subject matter for dramatic attempts to humorize our misery!

I had a very bad day today and so had lots to talk about: I fought with a friend, my summer plans were in question, and I did nothing but read and reread Carson McCullers, all of which resulted in hours and hours of solipsistic existential tears and agony. It was the sort of terrible day that even very good acting can’t hide, and I couldn’t keep up with her quick humor; I paused too often and leaned exhaustedly against the candy machine and sometimes let slip dark remarks about the meaninglessness of existence.

As we parted ways (diet coke and sesame sticks in hand), A. paused and looked at me and asked seriously, “What are you going to do now?” I said something about taking to my bed with Camus and my sorrows to keep me company.

“No. Absolutely not. I know it seems much more logical to surround yourself in depressing songs and books to keep you company in your misery–” and here she tangented and burst into an improvised song about the cruelty of others’ and how we should all just die now–“but it’s not. Sometimes you need something to break you from it and — this is sort of kitschy and cheesy and gross — but I have the perfect thing! I’ll tell you! But go look at it first and don’t judge!”

After making me promise to withhold judgment until looking at the website, A. told me about Cute Overload. As we said goodbye for real now, she said, “Remember! Cute overload dot com!”

I read a bit of Camus and drove myself to tears before I went to the site because I expected it to be bad photos of sleeping cats, but you know what? She’s right. Five seconds of looking at this website and I feel like life is worth living. It’s magic! Wonderful. I recommend it to every sad person in the world. It proves that there is a purpose to life even if that purpose is to be warm and cuddly and fuzzy and cute.

So. Cute Overload. Go, look, smile.

*Note: I have written about at least three “A.s” in my life, I think. This is a different one. It confuses me, too, but I don’t want to post peoples’ names unless I know they’d be okay with it.

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~ by Not Alice on May 5, 2007.

3 Responses to “new reason for living”

  1. HEY! Welcome back! I was beginning to worry that the migrane really had its way with you and you’d not yet resurfaced.

    I’m off to peek at cuteoverload.com.

  2. Okay – I just scrolled through the first page and I’m teary, it’s so cute! Thanks, A, for cluing us in…

  3. I have been very very very sick recently. I was going to write about it, but I was so ill that I couldn’t sit up to be on the computer, and anyway, I write too often about my health. The migraine kind of did eat me: it flowed straight into my ear malady and I was incapable of standing up for days.

    But yes. So! Cute! I must track down this A and babble about kitten noses.

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